Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
