god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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