Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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