I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
