If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
