We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
