Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
