seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
