420 ftw
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No more Irish car bombs ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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