Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
