he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Girls should come with a carfax report
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
