If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
