kristin has been a bad kristin
In America we eat man semen.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
