Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
