Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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