I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
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