U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
