My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
