i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
