dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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