so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's the barista slut.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
where are my eyebrows?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
