How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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