drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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