we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
