this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
