Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
