he puts the penis in happiness.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I still have a little drunk in my system
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
