I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
