i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
