i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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