Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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