If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
