imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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