Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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