Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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