Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
