Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
