The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
