She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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