i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need a beard to bite.
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