Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
