i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
