i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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