i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
