I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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