no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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