when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
