told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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