get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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