she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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