I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
