Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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