Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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